You've probably have heard fellow RCC cyclists taking about Sa Calobra with awe and inspiring reverence. Why? It is not a Alpe d'huez in serious road cycling terms but for the semi serious, socially minded, not travelled much, inquisitive cycling beast like me, it is the next best thing.

It is reputedly the hardest climb on Majorca and definitely one for any self respecting CV. You don’t happen on Sa Calobra by accident either. It’s a one way dead end road down to the coast and you have to make a conscious decision to take it on.

Calobra means Snake in Spanish (la culebra) and is an appropriate name for this demon climb. I cannot understand why this road was ever built and to what purpose it historically served. The eventual destination of this road is a small-unsheltered bay with a couple of rip off restaurants. There are no dwellings in between the mountain peak and the Bay.

It is a masterpiece in highway engineering. Aerially, the route is only 4 km (2.5 miles) in plan length and in elevation, it descends 0.7km. The actual road is 12 km (7.5miles) long. To create this road, the Engineer did not want to destroy the mountainside; instead, he used the terrain to gently mould the smooth road to the mountain side with average gradients of 8% maxing to 11% in places. I think the Spanish breed of donkeys and horses could not cope with steep climbs.

The road winds and twists on man made masoned stone ramps up to approximately 20 meters tall in places. The first turn on the descent is a 360-degree turn that, thanks to a bridge, that passes under itself. The switchbacks are not stacked and consequently the road is all over the place. When you look at the photos, it is hard to make out where the road starts and finishes. It is like a never-ending knot.

Descent

After 30 miles with a long climb to the top of peak of Coll dels Reis, you taste the serpent road. Descending from within the clouds on this devils rollercoaster 682 meters (2250ft), 6 miles down to sea level. Like an eel caught on a hook, it is impossible to predict the turns and twists of the road. Immediately the road wraps under itself and from there it goes something like this:-

"Wow Look at view... Bend, no concentrate on the road, no barriers, Be--nd,  Jesus that's steep! Focus... That’s fast, check Speedo 50mph wow, Don’t look, Bend,  concentrate, big bend, any cars coming, no, swing out to left, right knee out, feather brakes, out swing into the apex, pedal like f***, nice view, hairy switchback, this is great, Stop thinking! Bend, catch Stewart, pass car, Dampness on road – No, Bend, go go gadget, weeeee! can see some of the fast boys below me, reel them in boy! Kelly on the Poggio 1992... Corner, Brake Fingers are tired. How much longer? Will this road ever end? Wish I had my 53 on the front...CANNOT find a bigger gear on the bicycle … there IS no bigger gear to be found

Watch the bend, prepare, look at Stuart’s line, pass him. Voom! Boom chicka wah wah! Indiana Jones rock entrances to Petra, bend, keep going, I wish a motor biker was on the road, I’ll show him, -------------- Rupert photos, stop, line up, cheese, end.

And not necessary in the above order for the less than 15 minute average 30+mph decent. Max speed 50 mph.

Ascent

Food, drink, Chris, How much? 20 euro! Share with Maurice; do not want too much of a full stomach for the assent. Start thinking about the assent, do it my way, tap it out at my pace, Hard though. Look at the clouds, cannot see the mountain top, it is dropping.

Let’s get going, ahh Martin’s advised swear by sports gel, gulp gulp! Wait for me Geoff. Big ring (50, compact) and 25 at back, see how I last. Got reserves gears. . Should have brought my standard chainset BMC. Time 1308hrs. Ok lets get into a medium to hard rhythm, that’s good, see you at the top Geoff.

Grind it out. Swiss bell sounds outs, la tour, its the sheep, Passed the G3 & G4 admiring the view nearing the end of their descent. Hiya boys! Focus, Jesus look at it, the stone ramparts like the great wall of China. See the red army below in full attach lead out by Generalissimo Chris Stone, Tony “Pantini” Longhurst & Phil“The chicken” Jemmison. Put a spurt on, still caught me 2/3rd of the way up, still I will cross swords with them for a while at the front.

Car passengers encouraging & applauding as I carry on remorselessly up. Sweet dripping on to road and eyes. Stinging more than so, is that because of the sun block cream? Must drink every 5 minutes. “Hi Maurice, keep going mate” as he passes me.

Getting tired now, Gradient at 11% now, more gel, Thanks Martin for the advice, does work and I kicked onward and relentlessly upwards. “Keep going” I said to an plucky American girl as I passed her. Rupert encourages me, comes and goes, I am in Granny gear now, 27 at the back and 34 in the front, thank god I did not bring my BMC.

In the clouds, Cold, On the bridge twist, see Matthew below, he is trying to catch me, out of the saddle and grind it out to the peak. Matthew, digging deeply into his suitcase of courage... in close pursuit.

Bridge to engine room-more power Scotty. Canna go any faster Captain.”I am  praying for the summit to come as soon as possible. I glance behind, Matthew sees me give the Armstrong look and I get out of the saddle. He does not react. Wearing the mask of pain, I cross the top 1353hrs 45/46 minutes. Mission accomplished. What kept you Matthew?
My “La Plagne” where is the oxygen mask
 

Brian